Caring for a crawling baby requires lots of patience. Not only does Kaleb try and eat rabbit poo,
climb the stairs solo and seems to have an internal compass needle to find
dangerous wiring, he also comes and finds me when I am just in the middle of
something to hang onto my trousers and cry until I pick him up. If he sees me picking up a bag to leave the
house for a moment, he will start panicking and crawl at a superhuman speed
towards me. But I recognize his need for
me to reassure him and cuddle him after each exploring adventure and each time
I try to lovingly respond with a cuddle, a smile and an affirmation.
Although I have known God since childhood, there are times
when I still act like Kaleb. God
lovingly pointed it out to me the other day – You are just like Kaleb – as soon as you lose sight of me or can’t feel
me, you start to panic! You need to grow up and know that my Presence is always
with you and I am always Your Shepherd, no matter what you feel or see!
I truly believe that our relationship with God is meant to
be experienced. He doesn’t just want us
to know about Him, He wants us to know Him! If you are friends with someone, it
is useless knowing everything about them if you never spend time together,
experience joy and hard times together and do things together. I get used to feeling
God’s Spirit within me, empowering me to get through the day. But then what about those days I feel really
oppressed? What does that mean about God?
That is why is it so important that I live a life that is
full of the Word and the Spirit. Because
on those days I can’t feel His presence, His word tells me:
Where can I go from your
Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? (Psalm
139:7)
It tells me
I am convinced
that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the
present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor
anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God
that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:38-39)
So on those days, I just have to believe what I cannot
see. On those days I feel like I am
walking through mud, that I have spiritual sunglasses on, God reminds me to
just wait for Him:
The Lord is
good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him;
it is good to wait quietly
for the salvation of the Lord. (Lamentations 3:25-26)
to the one who seeks him;
it is good to wait quietly
for the salvation of the Lord. (Lamentations 3:25-26)
And sooner or later, whether it be minutes, hours or days,
the heaviness does lift and I don’t have to fight to feel Him in my day and to
feel the joy that is our inheritance as children of God.