So, here is it. Part one of an article on sex. I mean, how can we possibly have a marriage month without mentioning sex? I was hoping someone else might write a post about it, but seeing as that hasn't happened, it looks like it is down to me! Actually, over the last two months of planning, I tried to write several posts from different angles, but none of them worked. Or rather, honestly, none of them were written for the right reasons. But, when I thought I was done writing posts for this month, God led me back to write about sex. And because I am choosing to do things which purposefully confront my pride, even though I feel very vulnerable, I decided to go for it. And it turned into two posts. So here we are... have a quick look to check no one is reading over your shoulder, and off we go...!
There are several ways to have sex. And I am not talking about positions!
So, I have ummed and ahhhed about this post. Let’s face it, there are few people who feel comfortable talking about sex in public. My face might be going a shade of purple as I write this post, but fortunately for me, I can’t see you laughing!
Right back in the introduction I talked about how last year one of the questions I had was “is there such a thing as “Holy Spirit inspired sex”? Now that might be a strange question to ask you say, but let me take you on my thought process…
I spend a lot of time thinking about things in terms of their eternal value. Parenting: training up children to know and love God and impact the world. Eternal value. Serving others: Building up ‘points’ for the big “well done” in heaven, not here. Eternal value. Responding with Godly character to crisis/the third glass of juice spilt today. Eternal value. Sex? Ok, so there is the reproduction value, and, well, it feels nice, but surely there must be more to it than that? Why exactly did God choose sex to be an intimate part of marriage if it isn’t going to be in eternity? Is there ANYTHING about sex that points to something eternal?
Now, I don’t suggest you do a Google search on Spiritual sex unless you want to come up with some really weird sites. Just trust me. At least, at the top of the Google search engine, no one is asking the same questions I am in Christian circles. If you want to find a cult or two, however… Let’s just say, it was one of those searches the Holy Spirit quickly said “ummm… I think you better stop now, I’ll teach you instead, ok?!”
So, He did. And I feel a bit weird about sharing the results with you, because to be honest, even thinking about God during sex felt a bit weird for a long time. (That isn’t to imply that all my thinking about Spirit-filled sex happened during sex!)
The first thing I realized is that there are two ways to have sex. Obviously I am not talking about positions here, because we all know there are plenty more of those.
No, I am talking about Seeking-The-Climax-Sex or the Enjoying-Being-With-Your-Spouse-Whatever-Sex.
I don’t remember one piece of literature or article on sex, Christian or non, that didn’t talk with a climax in mind. In the Christian ones at least it was generally about warming up the girl to get the thing rolling, and then techniques for the guy to not get there too quickly!
And until last year I never realized before how much of Mark and I’s sexual relationship was judged by us as successful or not depending on the climax. You know the questions (ok, I am going purpley-blue now) – “how was that for you? Scale of 1-to-10? Did you enjoy that? Etc. etc.” (Is that just us…? I’m getting worried now…!) But, it suddenly dawned on me that so often that is how I treat my relationship with God too – based on the spiritual climaxes. I judged my quiet times as good or bad based on the level of revelation I got from reading the Bible or how much I managed to engage with the Spirit in prayer. And yet, all the time, God was never bothered so much about that, as much as engaging in relationship with me. Spending time was never meant to be about what I could get out of the relationship, but rather dwelling in communion with the Almighty.
And so with sex. What if it wasn’t about the climax anymore? What if it didn’t matter if there wasn’t one? What if it wasn’t about trying to get the deed done before 10pm or getting our weekly date-night connection? What if we could just enjoy being naked together. Enjoying the moment. Dwelling together. Chatting. Whatever. Enjoying one another’s company and bodies without the focus on the climax?
Wow. Believe me, that revelation was earth moving.
Because the thing is, when it stops becoming about the revelation, and it starts becoming about the dwelling and intimacy with God, amazing revelations just come as a by-product of laying your head of the Almighty’s shoulder.
And when it stops becoming about the sexual climax, and it starts becoming about the being with the other person…well, let’s just say, there is a new level of freedom (wink, wink!).
How is your sexual relationship with your spouse?
Do you have more Seeking-The-Climax-Sex or Enjoying-Being-With-Your-Spouse-Whatever-Sex?
What about your times with God? Are you inclined to seek the revelation or the enjoyment of the moment?
Go to Part 2 of Is there such a thing as Spirit-filled sex?