My biggest struggle with worship
Week one of spending time in worship each day has finished. My biggest struggle has not been to worship exactly - I actually have lots of opportunities and natural ways I incorporate worship into my life already - like set prayers in our week, worship leading and practices, putting worship music on as I get ready for the day etc. The biggest struggle has been wanting to do something more. To go deeper. And then the struggle has been: how? It is not that I feel I am already doing enough, but rather I recognize a lethargy to initiate and prioritize extra times of worship which I want to push against.
I know for those who answered my survey about worship and prayer that prioritizing personal worship at all is something that many people struggle with. Sometimes because they don’t know how, sometimes because they just get busy and it isn’t a priority. If it is not a priority it is likely that we haven’t seen the value in it, because we will fight for things that we value. And my desire as I engage with worship as a spiritual discipline this month is to yes, be intentional about daily worship, but not for it to be a burdensome legalistic drudgery. Because true worship is so far from a burdensome chaining of my soul - it is freedom to pour out my love on the one who rescued my soul and who loves me and laid His life down for me. Anyone else feel these struggles?
But last week I was feeling stuck. What could I do to make worship happen more? To make it more of a lifestyle?
I realized I was asking the wrong questions.
In Richard Forster’s Celebration of Discipline, I read the following:
And the words dropped the chains of striving from my soul. It is not about me designing or trying to make worship happen. It is about me responding to His initiative. It is not me who makes worship happen but the Spirit within me who kindles worship for my Lord. The problem is not my willingness, it is my posture. Worship is not about making sure I come with something to offer - it is about me opening my heart to receiving His love and responding naturally, accordingly, freely, unreservedly, unashamedly to His ‘overtures of love’.
So now my thoughts have changed from ‘What should I do to worship God?’ to ‘Father, You are the Initiator of worship - please come and teach me to worship you - reveal Yourself to me, through Your Word, through Creation, through answers to prayer, through my circumstances and family, and teach me to have a heart that responds in praise.’
This October is a month where I am intentionally setting aside time each day to worship God. It is part of a year long embracing of grace through different spiritual disciplines. You can read more about the year here.