Just over a year ago, I felt strongly that God wanted me to pursue writing – that He wanted to use me in the future to write books and share with others.
I was excited. He wanted me to write a book?
I read up as much as I could about writing a book; I began writing two books and felt the Holy Spirit flow through me. How long would it take to write a book? A year? I knew if I was to look at getting it published it would take even longer. I talked to the Holy Spirit. That felt like a long time. He showed me the story of Abraham and the 14 years between the promise God gave him and its full completion in the birth of Isaac.
14 years. Wow.
I felt God say that he was pleased that I was embracing my calling and exercising the gift He had placed in me, but that it would be a long time before there were books completed or published in anything other than my own strength.
Why? I dared to ask.
He made it very clear:
‘Anna,’ He said, ‘You are like a puppy dog – and I love that – all excited and enthusiastic! But there is no way you are ready to go outside yet. With all that excitement and no maturity, you would run off and get hurt – I have to train you first to be 100% obedient to my voice – to stay by my side at all times, no matter what entices you, and that is a process.’
I felt humbled, yet relieved! How hasty I had been and how wise is our God?! It is true – I am not ready to have any literary success, in whatever form that is. I seek other’s affirmation too much. I am emotionally manipulated by the opinions of others. I find part of my value still in how other’s see me. And that is too dangerous. That is too big a stumbling block for the devil to stick in my way.
Friday, I began reading Ann Voskamp’s ‘Blogger’s Prayer’ and it is my prayer too. I want this blog to NEVER be about winning anyone’s affirmation but God’s. And I want it to be happily written for an audience of One – and only by God’s grace, anything other than that.